I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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