I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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