There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
