i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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