when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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