So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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