I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
