I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
