Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
