recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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