If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
