I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
