Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
