whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
