I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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