Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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