It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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