thus making me awesome and them whores
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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