am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
