My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
