Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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