can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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