ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
