I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
