I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
