After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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