I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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