What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
