Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
