yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
