WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
