Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
