is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
3pm strippers are depressing
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
