the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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