you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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