Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
