Do you still have your period?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How does it feel to date your dad?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
