Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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