You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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