you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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