If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
