I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
