maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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