I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
