he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
