dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
