I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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