is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The power of my boobs compel you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
