Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
