i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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