my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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