you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
