Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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