You're a womanizer and a bitch.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
