got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
