I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Actions speak louder than pants.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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