So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
