why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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