Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
