Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
