Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
