Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
