Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
