I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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