i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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