Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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