so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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