great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
