A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
