so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
