I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
