Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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