ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
