Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
