I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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